


Hallucinogenic Day Dream

by stxmacheaches



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Internal Conflict, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28172805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxmacheaches/pseuds/stxmacheaches
Summary: Altaïr's mind on a daily basis.
Kudos: 4





	Hallucinogenic Day Dream

High school. Fucking. Sucked.

Altaïr couldn’t stop the nagging voice at the back of his mind that told him that he was lame. He was a loser. All the cools kids had deemed him weird and gay and no one would ever want to be friends with him. Well, that’s not true. He had plenty of friends. He just didn’t know how to properly act around them, didn’t know if he was really being himself.

Relationship also fucking sucked. Yeah, the idea of having someone is cool and all that but sometimes he felt that it didn’t suit him. He was lost in a world that was black with swirling, glowing lights of purple and pink. He didn’t know what it meant, it’s just how it felt. His life now didn’t seem to suit him. He always felt off and wrong and never quite right. _Running_ and _running_ and _running_ and _running_.

He never stopped. He wanted to scream, punch, fuck, climb, jump. He wanted to move until his body _stopped_. Until all the swirling thoughts in his mind just... _Stopped_.

Adha had been nice. Adha had been lovely. A little bit of rebellion in his life until he tore it apart with his insecurities and fear. No one had ever known. No one needed to know. She made him feel older than he was but she was too confident, too blunt and straight forward. It scared him into a pit of confusion and feeling out of control. He didn’t want to be out of control.

Abbas made him feel cared for. For a bit. Turns out Altaïr had just been babysitting the little shit. He had milked his kindness and patience for all it was worth. Manipulative, controlling, obsessive. He almost broke him. Altaïr had given him all and yet Abbas asked for more, more, _more_.

_Why are you so mean?_

_Kiss me. Why won’t you kiss me?_

_I don’t want them seeing us like that._

_You’re mean._

_I don’t trust you._

_Stop enabling her._

_Stop her touchy feely behaviour._

_She’s telling everyone her big fat crush on you._

_Stop her._

_Stop it._

_Why are you so mean._

_If you do anything, I’ll hurt you._

_I don’t trust you._

_I don’t trust you._

_You definitely fucked her._

_I don’t trust you._

_I don’t trust you._

**_I don’t trust you._ **

**_I. Don’t. Trust. You._ **

**_I DONT TRUST YOU._ **

Abbas could go fuck himself now for all Altaïr could care.

He never meant to hurt Maria. He didn’t want to hurt Maria. He knew it wasn’t his fault and he knew he shouldn’t feel ashamed or feel like an asshole. He hated the way she looked so longingly at him and he hated that he could never look at her the same way. She was his best friend, his sister. He would die without her but he just couldn’t be that for her. He didn’t want to use her or lead her on. It physically pained him to hurt her.

Malik was a one time thing. Malik was an obsession that Altaïr didn’t want. Malik was an asshole but he couldn’t help but find it attractive. He wanted the sexual and physical validation. He wanted to know he was worth it. He wanted to know that he wasn’t ugly, or weird. But he was. He was so fucking weird and it made him want to tear his heart out and rip it apart. Malik wouldn’t never like him. Malik didn’t care. Malik didn’t want him. Altaïr didn’t want him. But he did. But he couldn’t. He was afraid.

He didn’t trust anyone. He had been going to therapy for three years and he rarely spoke about his own problems. He was an asshole. He didn’t want to care about people’s problems. He didn’t know how. He couldn’t even give hugs without feeling uncomfortable most of the time.

He never felt right. It was like he was stand on the outside of a room looking in. He never fit in with society. No one would ever understand. He couldn’t hold conversations, he couldn’t even speak without fucking something up. He had no self control, no brain to mouth filter. He blurted out whatever hit his brain at that moment and he always felt bad if it hurt someone.

No one could love someone as fucked up as him.


End file.
